Tuesday, February 06, 2007
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS MIGHT LIKE TO SEE A HEART PACEMAKER up close and personal. This is the best I can do. I realize this is waaaay off-topic and bordering on the macabre. It may be absolutely tasteless in your view and if so all I can do is suggest that you not look. Ooops - too late.
But wotthehell, this may make me a great lover some day and I believe Viagra is just a form of itching powder, anyway. How else can you explain an erection lasting more than four hours?
By the way ALWUN HOUSE ia having an erotic art display this Friday that will toast your socks. Anything from semen seeking ovum to Trojan-type balloon characters doing it.
Just like Real Life.
Still with me?
The Energizer Battery pictured above is for proportion and a bit of humor. The circular device with the rubber band dangling from it is a life-size mock-up of a pacemaker. The entire gadget is MOSTLY battery, mutch like the one that powers the clock in your computer. The whole thing is about as thick as all your credit cards stacked together plus your driver's license. About 1/4" for Tom Wright and other exactitude purists.
The idea is to keep the heart pumping at or above 60 Beats Per Minute during all activity. If you need more BPM'S your own heart will provide the impetus, usually. If it slows, the microcircuitry kicks in with a gentle jolt - from the wire in the heart, represented here by the dangling rubber band. There are other sensors too, having to do with breathing and so on, in a carefully orchestrated Slow Dance.
THEY ENCOURAGE SEX - "You may return to sexual activity immediately" it says in the instructions. Funny, I could never play the piano before...........
But suddenly it is not just you and The Squeeze anymore. ("Squeeze" being defined as; copulating with a fornicatious attitude while having intercourse) in the usual ORGANIC mode. Oh no. Welcome to AdventureLand where now you can do it with telephones, anthing magnetic [CAREFUL!] and presumably FAX'es and other devices with modems.
You are programmable via the phone - from the doctor's office. Dig it. Some pacemakers respond to a telephone. Just like some of us do to phone sex. Just put the phone over the lump in your shoulder and say "Do me, Shirley" and Shirley throws the switch in the doc's office which READS the data in the pacemaker, crunches the numbers and REPROGRAMS the pacemaker to something closer to your own lifestyle.
It's an INTERFACE ("INTERFACE" being defined as; copulating with a fornicatious attitude while having intercourse) in this case in the MACHINE mode. What does Shirley get out of it? Who knows.... she just washes her hands and goes on to the next guy.