Thursday, April 06, 2006

A Fly on the Wall at the White House

"A liberal activist group's $1.3 million ad campaign criticizing four Republican House members for voting in support of "energy and big oil companies" was rejected Monday by NBC stations. The ads contend that the four GOP lawmakers — Reps. Chris Chocola in Indiana's 2nd district, Thelma Drake in Virginia's 2nd district, Nancy Johnson in Connecticut's 5th district and Deborah Pryce in Ohio's 15th district — are taking money from oil and energy companies and then supporting laws that reward those companies." (from the 'huffingtonpost' blog)

(Through my connections at the White House I received this transcript of a conversation held in the Oval Office when they got word of NBC's refusal to run the ad)

(Rove listening to the television in the Oval Office)
ROVE: Well, holy shit! This makes my day! Check it out, Dick! Those MoveOn.Org asholes got screwed by NBC.
CHENEY: Hell, those jackasses deserve to get screwed. Big time! I still can't believe the tv networks are afraid of us when our approval ratings suck so bad! Unbefuckinlievable! They oughta watch tv once in awhile! (raucous laughter)
ROVE: Well, I'm damned proud to say we've always intimidated the hell outta the media and we haven't lost our touch!
(Rove high fives Cheney prompting Bush to look up from his desk)
BUSH: Hey dudes, have a brewski and fill me in on what we're so happy about!
ROVE: An ad by about us not taking money from Big Oil in exchange for doing their bidding
BUSH: Well hell, that's great news buddies! They're gonna run an ad about us here not taking money from oil companies! That's perfect timimg!
(Rove and Cheney look bewildered)
BUSH: Dudes, dontcha remember, I just told America in my Union of the United States address that America is too dependent on oil!!
ROVE: Yes sir, but you didn't really mean it!!
BUSH: I didn't?!? You real sure about that, K.B? It just don't sound right. Jesus wouldn't of done that!
CHENEY: Nothing to worry about Mr. President! You talked to Jesus about what to say right before the speech and He told you. You're just the President who's going on the tv to spread God's word.
BUSH: Right. Yeah. A-ok. So long as I'm doin' God's work anything goes.
ROVE: Right Mr. President. Praise Jesus!!
BUSH: Speakin' o' Jesus, lets hold hands and say a prayer of thanks to God for all the guidance we've been given.
(Cheney and Rove start to fidget around in their pockets)
BUSH: Dick, you start the prayer. You shot an old guy in the face and the guy went on tv and apologized to you, bro! If that's not a god damn miracle I dunno what is!
(Suddenly Rove and Cheney's cell phones simultaneously ring)
ROVE: Holy shit! I'm sorry Mr. President but this is urgent! I have to leave!
CHENEY: Crap! Me too! Keep up the good work, Mr. President! And God bless!