I THOUGHT YOU GUYS MIGHT LIKE TO SEE A HEART PACEMAKER up close and personal. This is the best I can do. I realize this is waaaay off-topic and bordering on the macabre. It may be absolutely tasteless in your view and if so all I can do is suggest that you not look. Ooops - too late.
But wotthehell, this may make me a great lover some day and I believe Viagra is just a form of itching powder, anyway. How else can you explain an erection lasting more than four hours?
By the way ALWUN HOUSE ia having an erotic art display this Friday that will toast your socks. Anything from semen seeking ovum to Trojan-type balloon characters doing it.
Just like Real Life.
Still with me?
The Energizer Battery pictured above is for proportion and a bit of humor. The circular device with the rubber band dangling from it is a life-size mock-up of a pacemaker. The entire gadget is MOSTLY battery, mutch like the one that powers the clock in your computer. The whole thing is about as thick as all your credit cards stacked together plus your driver's license. About 1/4" for Tom Wright and other exactitude purists.
The idea is to keep the heart pumping at or above 60 Beats Per Minute during all activity. If you need more BPM'S your own heart will provide the impetus, usually. If it slows, the microcircuitry kicks in with a gentle jolt - from the wire in the heart, represented here by the dangling rubber band. There are other sensors too, having to do with breathing and so on, in a carefully orchestrated Slow Dance.
THEY ENCOURAGE SEX - "You may return to sexual activity immediately" it says in the instructions. Funny, I could never play the piano before...........
But suddenly it is not just you and The Squeeze anymore. ("Squeeze" being defined as; copulating with a fornicatious attitude while having intercourse) in the usual ORGANIC mode. Oh no. Welcome to AdventureLand where now you can do it with telephones, anthing magnetic [CAREFUL!] and presumably FAX'es and other devices with modems.
You are programmable via the phone - from the doctor's office. Dig it. Some pacemakers respond to a telephone. Just like some of us do to phone sex. Just put the phone over the lump in your shoulder and say "Do me, Shirley" and Shirley throws the switch in the doc's office which READS the data in the pacemaker, crunches the numbers and REPROGRAMS the pacemaker to something closer to your own lifestyle.
It's an INTERFACE ("INTERFACE" being defined as; copulating with a fornicatious attitude while having intercourse) in this case in the MACHINE mode. What does Shirley get out of it? Who knows.... she just washes her hands and goes on to the next guy.
Ronco
14 comments:
Ron,
Ok, I know it's not in a tortilla or anything but that thing looks to me like a miracle!
Great to see you back on the blog!
P.S. 'FORNICATUS' huh?
FORNICATUS: n.
1) A NEW BAND
2) THE POPE'S LATEST TREATISE ON SEXUAL MORES
3) NEW DESCRIPTION OF 'INFORMAL HANKY PANKY'
(LOOK IT UP!) (o:
4) A GREAT NAME FOR YOUR NEW BOOK!
Ron, you rock!
Geez, Ron, you've got your rhythm AND your humor back! Awesome. Truck on, amigo... and on, and on, and on, and... did they give you a little energizer bunny to go along with that? Ah, but cereally... I'm stoked you're feelin' better.
:~)
HUH? Ron, Dan...do you know what anon is talking about or is it spam?
Hey its all good... i have sex with my modum all the time... but i use protection... a good anti virus program... Fornicatus... i like your take on it mariah, its a feel good word the way it just rolls o0ff your lips... phone sex... digital intercourse... I hope coming [no pun] generations dont think oral sex is just talking about it... maybe they will find greater pleasures in some digital/organic synthisis...
A word of caustion for you pleasure seekers... Pleasure has seven sisters... each more beautiful than the first... and Oh Yea Ron... you should keep jumper cables handy... for emergences!
From the BoZone
Bruce
SPAMMER in training, seeking access to the pages so he/she/it can sell something.
Ronco
Director Of Marketing and Suicide Training - KCACLives! BLOG
I like the part about the pacemaker being reprogrammable by medical technicians over the phone. So how does it react to other types of incoming calls: sales pitches, pranks, the IRS calling with a few questions, ungrateful children, spiteful ex-lovers, etc.? This could get interesting.
Tom
WELL TOM.... Have you ever had sex with a vacum cleaner while listening to Miriam Makeba on an iPod?
It's a lot like that.
Ronco
To Ronco
Director Of Marketing and Suicide Training - KCACLives! BLOG
"Marketing and Suicide Training" Isn't that "THE" new major at Harvard funded by a huge grant from Enron and endorsed by Harvard's 'Skull and Bones' society?
Life is like Money :
It doesn't come with Instructions...
Ray Thomson
still remembering the "Living Room"
Hey Ray
THANK YOU for the phone call today! What a hoot.
Actually, we ran into each other at KUPD back in 1982 briefly.
Remeniscing was goooood medicine for me - still working on the motorcycle trip this summer.
Got wine?
Ronco
Ray,
Great to hear from you! Wow, you wrote to the blog AND you imparted words of wisdom! Pretty cool! I"ve got a story to tell about you! But first, it's great to hear that you talked to Ron! Sounds like he's still the feisty Oracle we all know and love.
Hey, Oracle Ron, have you considered recording some of those memories? No doubt we'd have loved to be a fly on the wall (or working for Homeland Security) so we could hear all the reminiscences you and Ray shared.
Ray, I hope this is the start of a your posting frequently on the blog! You should definitely be an official contributor to this site! After all without the first KRUX Underground, who knows? Zillions of us were glued to the KRUX Underground from its inception. Do you have any tapes of the first ones?
Ok, here's my story to share about you and Bill Compton. I'm hoping the re-telling inspires you to post some stories about your own pioneering history in Valley radio.
When you were working at KRUX, thru a series of good people and good fortune, Bill Compton arranged for me to go to KRUX so you could record my first 'demo' on reel to reel in the KRUX studio. You didn't know me from Adam (or Eve!)
In the wee hours, my bf (who had some connection to radio, knew Bill and you too, I'm pretty sure)drove me to KRUX in his battle worn forest green 1966 VW bug. KRUX, at 75th Ave and Camelback (yes?) was a journey! I don't even think Camelback out there was paved, was it?
When my Yamaha guitar and my teenage view of the world showed up, you recorded my songs beautifully; much better than I actually sounded I'm sure! I was young and shy (no cracks from the peanut gallery, Ron!)
You were kind and generous, making me feel completely comfortable the first time I'd ever recorded my songs. I kept that tape for many years.
I wish I still had it or at least remembered the original songs I'd recorded on it. Ah well, it's one of life's great mysteries, but the hippie era did stunningly well without any of MY songs!!!
Ray, you had a real gift, and I have wondered since if you did any work later recording artists for local studios?
My heartfelt thanks to you. decades later, for a cherished memory.
THINGS WE NEVER KNEW DEPT:
It was Ray's sister Betty who BUILT the "Living Room" (See picture at the bottom of The List) and it was Ron(co) who painted the word "YES" on the sign in the picture next to Hank and Pegi. The Living Room probably saw more things go up in smoke than any single location in Maricopa County, that year.
I DISCOVERED in that phone conversation that it was indeed our very own Ray Thomson who built the KCAC studio at Wallich's Music City - which probably explains why the Mexican guy was so bewildered when I/We/Us/ crazy hippies took over.
There was a lot of late-night rockin' at KRUX including some head-banging commercials for Steppenwolf that Bill and I did one night. The promoter gave us $70.00 each for two spots and took off in the night with the tapes, acting like he had just stolen a brick of cocaine. They were great commercials.
Ray should be inducted or at least saluted, for his contributions to Valley music and radio.
We've touched on "Astral Weeks" which Ray (even before Bill Compton), broke on KRUX Underground - Another was "Seven Bridges Road", the Ian Matthews version, I played at KRDS. Ray had sprung the original a year or so before.
Ray ain't much to blow his own horn. I am glad we are here to do it for him.
Ronco
Me too, lets keep on blowing it. I agree that he should be inducted into AMEHOf and I will nominate him next time we have nominations. The Advisory Board votes, but the more they know about him, I wonder how they could say no? (o: Thanks for the great reply.
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